1
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,380
Look at this.
2
00:00:19,461 --> 00:00:22,641
I bet y'all don't even know
what this is.
3
00:00:22,714 --> 00:00:25,194
No, this ain't no video.
4
00:00:27,177 --> 00:00:29,767
This right here's my savior.
5
00:00:29,846 --> 00:00:32,106
The perfect baby-sitter.
6
00:00:32,182 --> 00:00:34,152
See, it doesn't use my phone
or eat my food
7
00:00:34,226 --> 00:00:36,026
or even ask can a friend
come over.
8
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,993
See, what this baby-sitter does
is give me an hour
9
00:00:39,064 --> 00:00:41,034
so I can have
some peace and quiet.
10
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,238
Now, hold on, now.
11
00:00:42,317 --> 00:00:44,027
I hear you out there.
12
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:46,371
"Bernie Mac, are you doing
your job as a parent?"
13
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:48,206
Hell, yes.
14
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:51,081
In Bernie Mac's opinion,
part of being a good parent
15
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:53,219
is being aware of
your child's interests.
16
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,932
Hey, Jordan, you want
to get some ice cream
17
00:01:04,005 --> 00:01:05,635
or maybe go to Disneyland?
18
00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:07,555
Uncle Bernie, please!
19
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,074
Sorry, baby.
20
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,765
See, he's interested,
and I'm liberated.
21
00:01:12,848 --> 00:01:16,148
Same as baby girl.
Come on.
22
00:01:16,226 --> 00:01:19,906
(kids' show playing)
23
00:01:19,988 --> 00:01:21,238
Hey, baby girl!
24
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:23,244
Want to play Barbie?
25
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,876
No.
26
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,172
I want you to help me
with my Spanish.
27
00:01:27,246 --> 00:01:29,756
I'll be glad to help you
with your Spanish.
28
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,382
(show playing in Spanish)
29
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,640
Look, see?
30
00:01:37,956 --> 00:01:39,296
Did I tell you?
31
00:01:39,374 --> 00:01:41,224
The perfect baby-sitter.
32
00:01:41,293 --> 00:01:43,393
See, now Nessa doesn't need
one of these.
33
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,430
She got that ignorant
teenage attitude.
34
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,096
Can't stand nobody and
don't want to talk to nobody.
35
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:52,606
She makes it easy. Watch.
36
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:00,941
Hey, Nessa, you want
to do something?
37
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,611
(mumbling)
I don't know.
38
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,609
No, thanks.
I got something else to do.
39
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,275
Works every time.
40
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,624
Now, who said parenting
is hard?
41
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:13,376
You just got to know
how to put it on autopilot.
42
00:02:16,995 --> 00:02:18,955
You are going
to throw up.
43
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,259
My dad wants you
and your family
44
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,470
to come over for dinner
Saturday night.
45
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,762
My whole family?
46
00:02:23,835 --> 00:02:24,965
Bernie Mac, too?
47
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,595
I know, it's so stupid.
48
00:02:26,671 --> 00:02:28,181
But we hang out
together so much,
49
00:02:28,256 --> 00:02:29,926
and my dad read
somewhere that
50
00:02:30,008 --> 00:02:31,768
"a parent is involved
in every facet
51
00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:32,773
of their child's life."
52
00:02:32,844 --> 00:02:34,984
Okay, look, Shannon,
53
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,305
you have got
to tell your dad
54
00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,149
to stop reading
those parenting books.
55
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,529
I hear you, but please?
56
00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:45,452
It'll chill him out,
and I'll get major points.
57
00:02:45,523 --> 00:02:46,163
You owe.
58
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:47,213
Thanks.
59
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,158
Jordan, Bryana?
60
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,867
Hello, excuse me.
61
00:02:51,947 --> 00:02:54,247
I want you two
to be on your best behavior tonight.
62
00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:57,544
That's right,
'cause if anybody embarrass me,
63
00:02:57,619 --> 00:03:01,559
I'm not kidding, I'm going
to pop you right under the eye.
64
00:03:01,632 --> 00:03:05,552
Bernie, you not going to pop
no one underneath the eye.
65
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,471
You watch-- I declare,
that makes people...
66
00:03:07,545 --> 00:03:09,135
Use the knuckle--
pop, right under..
67
00:03:09,214 --> 00:03:11,514
Can't we just stay home?
68
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:12,731
Shut up!
69
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:20,017
Bernie, Wanda,
welcome to our home.
70
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,870
Thank you.
71
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,187
You know what, Ed?
72
00:03:25,263 --> 00:03:27,783
I think you and I got
a couple of Olympic gymnasts
73
00:03:27,857 --> 00:03:29,317
on our hands, huh?
74
00:03:29,401 --> 00:03:30,911
That would be great.
75
00:03:30,986 --> 00:03:32,736
So long as she keeps up
her grades.
76
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:33,801
Isn't that right, honey?
77
00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:37,038
We both know, it takes
more than somersaults
78
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,547
to get into Harvard.
79
00:03:40,495 --> 00:03:41,865
I agree.
80
00:03:41,946 --> 00:03:43,756
That's why baby girl--
see, she's only five,
81
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,632
but she's learning
Spanish right now.
82
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:46,969
Baby girl--
83
00:03:47,043 --> 00:03:47,893
why don't you
razzle-dazzle us
84
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:48,970
with some Spanish?
85
00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:50,215
Listen to this, Ed.
86
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:56,101
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro,
cinco, um...
87
00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:58,057
Seis.
88
00:03:58,072 --> 00:03:59,602
Ah, you know
your numbers, too, huh?
89
00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:01,981
Well, actually, he's been fluent
for about a year.
90
00:04:02,058 --> 00:04:03,068
No.
91
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,233
Isn't that right, son?
92
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,065
Sí, papa.
93
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,486
Voy a estudiar en España
algun día.
94
00:04:08,565 --> 00:04:09,905
Y tu?
95
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:10,947
(whispering)
Sí.
96
00:04:11,026 --> 00:04:12,286
Sí.
97
00:04:15,113 --> 00:04:17,713
The boy's four years old.
98
00:04:17,782 --> 00:04:19,332
That's impossible.
99
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:22,169
Imposible.
100
00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:23,915
Wow.
101
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,434
You know, Bernie,
I keep telling my kids,
102
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:33,763
it's not enough these days
to be in honors classes
103
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,500
or do well on the SATs.
104
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,522
I think they should
do away with the SATs.
105
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:40,824
(laughs)
That's teenagers for you, huh?
106
00:04:40,897 --> 00:04:42,897
Defend your position.
107
00:04:42,974 --> 00:04:44,944
Dad, the SATs
are widely considered to be
108
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:49,078
a culturally biased assessment
of scholastic aptitude.
109
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,736
And studies have shown
110
00:04:51,816 --> 00:04:54,416
that they aren't
an accurate test of achievement
111
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,124
or how a person
does in college.
112
00:04:56,196 --> 00:05:00,046
But you're still planning on
getting a perfect 1600, correct?
113
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,925
Touché.
114
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:05,632
Ed, you must tell me,
115
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:09,125
how in the world
do you keep your kids so disciplined?
116
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,219
Honestly...
do you whip 'em?
117
00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:13,934
No, caning them.
118
00:05:14,005 --> 00:05:16,095
(laughter)
119
00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,524
I like the work ethics, man.
120
00:05:18,593 --> 00:05:19,603
How about some music?
121
00:05:19,677 --> 00:05:22,017
We'd love some.
Some music?
122
00:05:22,097 --> 00:05:25,527
(classical piece playing)
123
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,496
Susan...
124
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,097
This is so lovely.
125
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,169
Next time you have to come
to our house for dinner.
126
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,549
Right, honey?
127
00:05:51,626 --> 00:05:52,846
Huh?
128
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,902
Come to our house?
129
00:06:00,552 --> 00:06:02,392
I can only imagine.
130
00:06:02,470 --> 00:06:04,490
Nessa, where you going?
131
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:07,024
Baby, she peacing me out!
132
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,370
No! What's going on here?
133
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,824
Where's baby girl?
134
00:06:12,897 --> 00:06:14,917
Oh, Lord!
135
00:06:14,991 --> 00:06:16,871
Oh, man,
that's yours.
136
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,203
I'm so sorry.
137
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:19,828
Get down from there, boy!
138
00:06:19,904 --> 00:06:21,794
Jordan, are you crazy?
139
00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,205
Get down!
140
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,593
Get down from there, boy!
141
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,206
Oh, my God.
142
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,048
Was it the two of spades?
143
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,057
Jordan, that's okay.
144
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:38,860
The king of hearts?
145
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,483
(polite chuckling)
146
00:06:45,555 --> 00:06:48,515
Ed, Susan, truly--
thank you.
147
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,190
On behalf of my family.
148
00:06:50,268 --> 00:06:51,898
Seven of diamonds?
149
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,408
Uh, get in the car.
150
00:06:54,489 --> 00:06:55,819
I'm sorry. Good night.
151
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,069
It's okay.
152
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,320
I got two of clubs.
153
00:06:58,401 --> 00:06:59,781
Good night, Bernie.
154
00:06:59,861 --> 00:07:01,911
BERNIE:
Ten of diamonds, ten of diamonds.
155
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,462
Jordan and his doggone
magic tricks.
156
00:07:04,532 --> 00:07:06,332
Did you see those kids
play their instrument?
157
00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,959
Bernie, our kids
are not in a competition.
158
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:11,251
Wanda, I got to prepare
our kids for the real world.
159
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,841
You saw that
five-year-old boy.
160
00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,016
He spoke Spanish.
161
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,340
Our kids can't even
talk English.
162
00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:18,298
From now on,
I'm doing something.
163
00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:20,049
Will you teach us Ebonics?
164
00:07:20,131 --> 00:07:21,591
Mm-hmm, okay. All right.
165
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,727
I'll tell you one thing,
when I get done with you...
166
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:24,780
(snickering)
167
00:07:24,853 --> 00:07:25,893
He-he nothin'!
168
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,067
When I get done
with y'all,
169
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,907
y'all be smarter than
your sister's mouth.
170
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,272
(whispering)
Impossible.
171
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,451
Smart aleck.
172
00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:43,615
Oh, I was serious
when I told those kids
173
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:46,206
there wasn't going to be
any more video watching.
174
00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:49,082
From now on, in this house,
it's going to be all about
175
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:51,424
higher learning,
education and schooling.
176
00:07:51,496 --> 00:07:53,086
Shoot, if I don't
nip it in the bud,
177
00:07:53,164 --> 00:07:56,014
Ed's kids are going to be
CEO-ing Fortune 500 companies
178
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,304
while my kids will be calling
bingo numbers
179
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,268
in a church basement.
180
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,180
Hey, Señorita Bryana,
181
00:08:04,259 --> 00:08:06,269
meet me in la cocina
182
00:08:06,344 --> 00:08:09,104
in diez minutos por un snacko.
183
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:10,660
Si, Tío Bernito.
184
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,731
I talked to
Bryana's teacher,
185
00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:16,781
and she said the best way
for a child to learn a language
186
00:08:16,854 --> 00:08:18,484
is to immerse her.
187
00:08:18,556 --> 00:08:19,816
So we ain't speaking nothing
but Spanish to her,
188
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,869
and she ain't speaking
nothing but Spanish to us.
189
00:08:21,943 --> 00:08:23,453
JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie, what's this?
190
00:08:23,528 --> 00:08:24,938
I don't want to play
the piano.
191
00:08:25,013 --> 00:08:26,873
And I don't want a
dummy for a nephew.
192
00:08:26,948 --> 00:08:28,618
Look, Jordan, I
rented this thing,
193
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,174
and you going
to play it.
194
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,133
Come on, sit down.
195
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,211
I'll show you.
196
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:33,797
Come on, sit down.
197
00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:36,351
Now, dig this here.
Look.
198
00:08:36,424 --> 00:08:39,644
(playing "Chopsticks")
199
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:48,259
Or when you get better,
200
00:08:48,336 --> 00:08:50,356
you'll be able to bring
it off like this here.
201
00:08:50,438 --> 00:08:54,198
(playing jazzy tune)
202
00:09:05,403 --> 00:09:07,293
Trust me, Shannon, you don't.
203
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:10,463
Now, I would trade
my family for yours any day.
204
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,463
Say adios.
205
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:13,875
I'm not Bryana.
206
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:15,343
Look, I'll
call you back.
207
00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:16,813
You're not calling
anybody back.
208
00:09:16,881 --> 00:09:18,841
You going to start
hitting these books.
209
00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:20,466
You're going to get
your math grade back up.
210
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:21,783
But I'm not good
in math.
211
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,473
You're not good
in math, Vanessa,
212
00:09:23,546 --> 00:09:24,696
because of your study habits.
213
00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:26,812
With a little hard work,
you'll get there.
214
00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,467
Why? 'Cause you're a Mac.
215
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:30,391
And what did you get in math?
216
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,150
It's not about me.
217
00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:33,191
It's about you.
218
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,938
So, get to studying.
219
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,070
Sounds like a "D" to me.
220
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,777
I got your "D."
221
00:09:38,853 --> 00:09:40,823
BERNIE:
Hey, what you doing in here, son?
222
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,337
It's time for dinner.
223
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,775
No. Dinner ain't for
another 20 doggone minutes.
224
00:09:43,858 --> 00:09:45,348
You get right back
up in there,
225
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,737
and let me hear some
fancy fingering.
226
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:48,279
Come on, let's go, Jordan.
227
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:50,164
I didn't rent that piano
for nothing. Let's go.
228
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:51,209
(grumbles)
229
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:54,796
(humming "Chopsticks")
230
00:09:54,878 --> 00:09:56,378
You can do it. Let's go.
231
00:09:56,454 --> 00:09:57,464
(whines)
232
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,052
You don't know nothing.
233
00:09:59,123 --> 00:10:01,053
Uncle Bernie, can I
have a glass of milk?
234
00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:02,515
Is that how you ask, baby girl?
235
00:10:02,594 --> 00:10:04,184
Oh, baby girl.
236
00:10:04,253 --> 00:10:06,143
Uncle Bernie, please?
237
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:08,968
No, sweetheart, in
Español. Remember?
238
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:11,520
We spent all morning
covering milk.
239
00:10:11,594 --> 00:10:13,144
I forgot.
240
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:14,231
Leechee.
241
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,899
WANDA:
It's leche.
242
00:10:15,973 --> 00:10:17,573
And, Bernie, she's just five.
243
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,391
I know she's only
five, sweetheart.
244
00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:21,648
There's a lot of
five-year-old kids over in Mexico,
245
00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:22,829
and they know
how to say it,
246
00:10:22,906 --> 00:10:24,946
and some right here
in California.
247
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,244
Show Auntie Wanda you
know how to say it.
248
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,382
Go ahead, baby girl.
249
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,043
Leche, por favor.
250
00:10:30,113 --> 00:10:30,863
I told you.
251
00:10:30,939 --> 00:10:32,209
She sounds Italian.
252
00:10:32,281 --> 00:10:33,331
She's only five.
253
00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:35,078
I'm proud of you.
254
00:10:35,159 --> 00:10:38,259
Hey, Bryana, have
you seen my new CD?
255
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,438
Mm-mm.
256
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,704
We ain't got no time
for no music.
257
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,134
Honey, we eat dinner
in 20 minutes.
258
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,879
I'm not hungry.
259
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:45,991
Well, if you
ain't hungry
260
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,432
that gives you
more doggone time
261
00:10:47,505 --> 00:10:48,755
to go up in
there and study.
262
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,110
And give me
that Walkman.
263
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,484
Give it up.
264
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,442
Yeah, you study your math.
265
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,436
Two plus two is four.
266
00:10:56,514 --> 00:10:58,114
Four plus four is six.
267
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,226
Am I right?
268
00:10:59,308 --> 00:11:00,318
Yeah.
269
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,943
No! Eight!
270
00:11:02,019 --> 00:11:04,079
That's why you need
to get up in there and study.
271
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:12,155
Here you go.
I brought you some lemonade.
272
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,118
I'm studying.
273
00:11:13,197 --> 00:11:14,427
I know it.
274
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,747
That's why I give you
a little break.
275
00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:18,415
You've been studying so hard.
276
00:11:18,494 --> 00:11:19,364
Thanks.
277
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,064
You're welcome.
278
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,587
I'll let you get back.
279
00:11:22,665 --> 00:11:24,425
What's this, baby girl?
280
00:11:27,879 --> 00:11:29,389
Nessa...
281
00:11:29,464 --> 00:11:30,394
a "D"?
282
00:11:30,465 --> 00:11:31,675
You got a "D"?
283
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:32,898
It don't make no sense.
284
00:11:32,976 --> 00:11:34,136
You been here studying
all the time.
285
00:11:34,218 --> 00:11:36,388
-How you get a "D"?
-It's hard.
286
00:11:36,471 --> 00:11:39,561
Vanessa, if it's hard,
why don't you ask for some help?
287
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,650
I'll help you.
288
00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:42,365
-No.
-You won't let me help...
289
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,487
Well...
290
00:11:50,568 --> 00:11:52,838
is this how you study, Nessa?
291
00:11:54,155 --> 00:11:55,215
Answer me.
292
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,458
Is this how
you study, Nessa?
293
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:58,623
I don't know.
294
00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:02,001
Then you ain't got
no shame, right?
295
00:12:02,079 --> 00:12:04,089
Okay, then, Nessa...
296
00:12:04,165 --> 00:12:07,375
I got a math problem for you.
297
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,760
"D" plus your attitude
298
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:11,547
equal grounded.
299
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,511
You should think
about that, Nessa.
300
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:16,055
'Cause it's going to definitely
give you a chance
301
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,765
to think about
what you just did.
302
00:12:17,845 --> 00:12:19,355
And give you
more time to study.
303
00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:25,741
Did you see that?
304
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:28,452
She didn't even care
she got a "D."
305
00:12:28,523 --> 00:12:31,913
In my day, when I got a "D,"
I felt bad.
306
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:35,414
Bad because I let myself down
and Big Mama down.
307
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:39,368
Oh, just thinking about the look
Big Mama would give me.
308
00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:42,040
Ooh, I mean,
still make me shiver.
309
00:12:42,119 --> 00:12:43,669
She didn't
have to say nothing.
310
00:12:43,746 --> 00:12:45,666
Just a look was enough.
311
00:12:45,748 --> 00:12:47,668
She didn't even
have to punish me.
312
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:49,470
I punished myself.
313
00:12:49,544 --> 00:12:53,814
Put myself on lockdown till
I brought home a better grade.
314
00:12:53,881 --> 00:12:55,471
That darn Vanessa.
315
00:12:55,550 --> 00:13:00,530
Now, America, you tell me again
why I can't whip that child.
316
00:13:06,435 --> 00:13:12,115
♪ ♪
317
00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:16,123
Yo, man.
Come on, dog.
318
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:17,695
Let me turn up the radio.
319
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,630
See, let me
tell you something.
320
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:21,557
Y'all better enjoy it
while you can,
321
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,884
because when those tickets
cost $300 at Carnegie Hall,
322
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,464
don't call me for no hookup.
323
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,919
Brother, I don't think
you're going to have
324
00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:30,054
to worry about that.
325
00:13:30,126 --> 00:13:31,876
-Okay, okay.
-(laughter)
326
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,441
Go and get off.
327
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,143
But I'm going to tell you
something right now.
328
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,684
See, I'm pushing my kids
towards excellence.
329
00:13:37,758 --> 00:13:40,058
That's right.
330
00:13:40,136 --> 00:13:41,806
And baby girl, she's going
to be a language expert.
331
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,148
I'm immersing her in Spanish.
332
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,522
You want to immerse her
in Spanish,
333
00:13:44,599 --> 00:13:46,649
bring her over to my house.
334
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:47,966
My in-laws
are visiting.
335
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,234
We ain't speaking nothing
but Spanish, man.
336
00:13:49,304 --> 00:13:52,914
It's like Mexico,
24/7 up in there.
337
00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:54,572
She'll learn a lot, man.
338
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:55,610
Are you serious, Chuy?
339
00:13:55,685 --> 00:13:57,195
Yeah, man,
bring baby girl over.
340
00:13:57,278 --> 00:13:59,038
I think that would
be great, man.
341
00:13:59,113 --> 00:14:02,503
That would be good for her
and less work for me.
342
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:03,515
Thank you, baby.
343
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:04,752
No problemo, papi.
344
00:14:04,827 --> 00:14:07,707
Oh, Bernie got you
speaking Spanish, too?
345
00:14:07,788 --> 00:14:08,778
(phone ringing)
346
00:14:08,856 --> 00:14:10,926
Si, si, gracias a mi.
347
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,721
Hello? Hey, Ed.
348
00:14:14,795 --> 00:14:15,595
No.
349
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:17,211
Shannon's not here.
350
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,929
They went to a party
over at Stephanie Johnson's house.
351
00:14:19,008 --> 00:14:19,768
Hey, baby.
352
00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:21,732
You let her go to a party?
353
00:14:21,802 --> 00:14:22,732
I got her on punishment.
354
00:14:22,803 --> 00:14:23,833
I didn't know.
355
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:24,734
Let me talk to him.
356
00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:25,725
Ed, hold on.
357
00:14:25,806 --> 00:14:27,696
Let me talk to him.
358
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:28,935
Hello, Ed?
359
00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:30,778
Yeah, this is Mac.
360
00:14:30,853 --> 00:14:32,403
I'm on my way.
361
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,950
Game over.
362
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:36,583
(dance music playing)
363
00:14:36,659 --> 00:14:38,529
I told my dad I was going
to a get-together.
364
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:42,081
Say the word "party"
and he gets all paranoid.
365
00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:44,076
Yeah, fortunately,
my Aunt Wanda took pity on me.
366
00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:45,918
She seems pretty cool.
367
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,277
Yeah, but she could
have married anybody,
368
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,750
and she married
Bernie Mac.
369
00:14:48,829 --> 00:14:50,629
I don't get it.
370
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,300
♪ ♪
371
00:14:53,376 --> 00:14:55,756
Hey, how about
some brews?
372
00:14:55,836 --> 00:14:57,306
BOTH: Dieting.
373
00:14:59,006 --> 00:15:01,016
(doorbell rings)
374
00:15:03,219 --> 00:15:05,649
Ah, cool, you're
not the cops.
375
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,480
Yo, man, Vanessa here?
376
00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:11,479
I don't know.
377
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:12,530
(sniffs)
378
00:15:12,603 --> 00:15:14,613
What is that? Smoke?
379
00:15:14,689 --> 00:15:16,819
Y'all smoking in here?
380
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:18,619
Y'all smoking in here.
381
00:15:18,693 --> 00:15:19,833
Where your parents at?
382
00:15:19,911 --> 00:15:20,791
Man, it's not my house.
383
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,040
Hold on, man.
Unsupervised party?
384
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,918
Son, you best
get out of my way.
385
00:15:24,999 --> 00:15:26,089
Yo, Vanessa!
386
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,840
Oh, God, and there's
no way out.
387
00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:34,425
Nessa!
388
00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:51,864
You all know Vanessa?
389
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,154
That's all right.
390
00:15:53,227 --> 00:15:55,447
I'll find her.
391
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:04,166
You're too young to die.
392
00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:25,523
Hi, Nessa.
393
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:28,103
I thought I had you
on punishment, Nessa.
394
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,413
What you doing at a party
where there's alcohol?
395
00:16:38,856 --> 00:16:40,236
BERNIE:
How you doing, Ed?
396
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:42,326
It seem like our girls
lost their mind
397
00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,870
at an unsupervised party
where there's drinking.
398
00:16:44,945 --> 00:16:45,865
Were you drinking?
399
00:16:45,946 --> 00:16:47,046
No, Dad.
400
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,041
How can I believe
anything you say?
401
00:16:49,116 --> 00:16:50,956
You told me you were
at Vanessa's house.
402
00:16:51,035 --> 00:16:52,915
-Dad...
-No more gymnastics.
403
00:16:52,995 --> 00:16:54,085
Let's go.
404
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:55,403
No more gymnastics?
405
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,090
But I didn't do anything.
406
00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:59,766
I said, let's go.
407
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:09,059
-You knew you was on
doggone punishment. -Yeah, unfair punishment.
408
00:17:09,136 --> 00:17:11,516
It ain't for you
to call what's fair or unfair.
409
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:12,457
That's my job.
410
00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:14,210
I'm trying to protect you
411
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,153
so you don't make
a mess of your stupid, little life.
412
00:17:16,227 --> 00:17:18,147
You should be in
the room studying
413
00:17:18,229 --> 00:17:20,199
besides being at some party
where there's alcohol.
414
00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:22,501
First of all, I didn't know
there was going to be drinking.
415
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,735
That's my point.
That's my point right there.
416
00:17:24,819 --> 00:17:28,039
There's a lot of hidden
dangers out there, Nessa.
417
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:29,964
And as you get older
and get in high school,
418
00:17:30,041 --> 00:17:32,121
you're going to be exposed
to a lot worse than alcohol.
419
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:35,251
I have been exposed
to a lot worse.
420
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:38,259
Or did you forget
where I used to live?
421
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:42,264
Oh...
422
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,470
Girl got a good point.
423
00:17:45,548 --> 00:17:48,268
Damn.
424
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:50,272
I don't know what
you're so upset about.
425
00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:52,734
I don't want to drink.
It's stupid.
426
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,855
And besides, nobody on
the gymnastic team drinks.
427
00:17:55,933 --> 00:18:00,193
Okay, Nessa, I'm
going to hold you to your word.
428
00:18:00,271 --> 00:18:02,781
You can stay on the
gymnastic team, baby.
429
00:18:02,857 --> 00:18:03,947
Thank you.
430
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,748
When your grades
get better.
431
00:18:07,903 --> 00:18:09,083
Grades.
432
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:09,945
(scoffs)
433
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,124
(door slams)
434
00:18:11,198 --> 00:18:12,458
So she don't want to study.
435
00:18:12,533 --> 00:18:14,083
She just wants
to do gymnastics.
436
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,090
Well, that's fine.
437
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:16,289
I'll send her to Russia,
438
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:17,962
and all the time
she ain't studying,
439
00:18:18,038 --> 00:18:19,308
she can spend her time
standing in line
440
00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:21,972
for toilet paper and bread.
441
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,402
Oh, who am I kidding?
442
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,557
You just can't
send your kids away.
443
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:33,977
America, this is it.
444
00:18:34,054 --> 00:18:35,314
I'm checking out.
445
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,773
No mas. Adios.
446
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,440
I can't take it no more.
447
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,039
(Jordan pounding
on piano keys)
448
00:18:42,113 --> 00:18:45,753
And I'm taking
that doggone piano with me.
449
00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:54,792
Hey.
450
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,067
Hey.
451
00:18:58,078 --> 00:18:59,968
So, I guess you
don't have to worry
452
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:02,587
about being late for
gymnastics practice.
453
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,010
No kidding.
454
00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:07,095
Is your dad still
mad at you?
455
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,010
He's not speaking to me,
Vanessa.
456
00:19:10,090 --> 00:19:11,400
Did you at least
try to tell him?
457
00:19:11,475 --> 00:19:16,015
Vanessa, he's not
even speaking to me.
458
00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:19,016
It's like he hates me.
459
00:19:19,099 --> 00:19:20,429
(sighs)
460
00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:22,910
Told my mom he should send me
off to boarding school.
461
00:19:26,857 --> 00:19:30,287
So, now do you want
to switch families?
462
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:38,084
VANESSA:
Can I talk to you guys for a second?
463
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,384
I just wanted
to tell you guys I'm sorry.
464
00:19:41,455 --> 00:19:43,255
You're sorry?
465
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:45,092
I really am.
466
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:48,177
I know you guys
want the best for me.
467
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:49,604
We want the best
for you, Nessa,
468
00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:51,932
but you got to want
the best for yourself.
469
00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:53,137
I do.
470
00:19:53,217 --> 00:19:54,387
That's what you say.
471
00:19:54,468 --> 00:19:57,938
I hear you talking,
but talk is cheap.
472
00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,113
You have to
do something.
473
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:01,450
Math is really hard.
474
00:20:04,687 --> 00:20:06,097
(sighs)
475
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,240
Nessa, I know
math is hard.
476
00:20:08,315 --> 00:20:10,115
Trig is hard.
477
00:20:10,192 --> 00:20:12,082
Calculus is hard.
478
00:20:12,152 --> 00:20:14,952
Doing a triple
back flip is hard,
479
00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:16,670
but I seen you do it.
480
00:20:18,209 --> 00:20:19,969
Will you help me?
481
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:29,806
Nessa, I'd be
glad to help you.
482
00:20:31,505 --> 00:20:35,305
America,
I got some exceptional kids.
483
00:20:35,384 --> 00:20:37,644
Sometimes they just need
a little push.
484
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,060
Well, in Nessa case,
a big push.
485
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:44,113
But it doesn't matter,
just as long as they get there.
486
00:20:44,184 --> 00:20:45,824
And you know what?
487
00:20:45,894 --> 00:20:46,954
They will.
488
00:20:47,030 --> 00:20:49,320
Why? 'Cause they're Macs.
489
00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:52,448
(Jordan playing " Chopsticks"
badly)
490
00:20:52,526 --> 00:20:55,656
Take five, Jordan.
491
00:20:55,738 --> 00:20:57,448
Take five!
492
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,495
Take a nap, take something.
493
00:20:59,575 --> 00:21:03,165
I should have put that boy
in Spanish class like baby girl.
494
00:21:03,245 --> 00:21:05,545
"Help me" in Spanish.
How do...
495
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,473
Llame el policia.
496
00:21:10,544 --> 00:21:12,394
That's close enough.
497
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:16,307
(Jordan continues playing)
498
00:21:16,383 --> 00:21:19,313
iLlame el policia!
499
00:21:19,386 --> 00:21:21,016
iLlame el policia!
500
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:22,896
iLlame el policia!
501
00:21:22,973 --> 00:21:24,483
iLlame el policia!
502
00:21:24,558 --> 00:21:26,148
iLlame el policia!
503
00:21:26,226 --> 00:21:27,856
iLlame el policia!
504
00:21:27,936 --> 00:21:29,236
iLlame el policia!
505
00:21:29,313 --> 00:21:32,043
-Llame...
-(piano playing stops)
506
00:21:33,442 --> 00:21:36,962
Start taking lessons, my damn--
let's move on.
507
00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:43,131
Yo no voy! Yo no voy!
508
00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:45,170
She said, "I'm not leaving,
I'm not leaving."
509
00:21:45,245 --> 00:21:46,125
Oh, that's what she said?
510
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:48,585
(screams)
511
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:51,339
Come on, baby...
512
00:21:51,418 --> 00:21:54,598
What's the matter?
What's wrong?
513
00:21:54,671 --> 00:21:56,061
Baby girl...
514
00:21:56,131 --> 00:21:57,511
Oh, come on, baby...
515
00:21:57,591 --> 00:21:58,861
No, Papa.
No, Papa, no!
516
00:21:58,934 --> 00:22:00,404
What you mean, "No, Papa"?
517
00:22:00,478 --> 00:22:02,728
Hey, you're
scaring her, man.
518
00:22:02,805 --> 00:22:06,565
You got her going
Elian Gonzales on me.
519
00:22:06,642 --> 00:22:09,662
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
520
00:22:09,712 --> 00:22:14,262
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